Have you watched Sex/Life?
Are you okay?
I AM NOT OKAY! 🤯
I am in some serious feels.
Proceeds to stalk actors on Instagram. Billie is dating Brad FOR REAL! You know that girl got her 100% in REAL life and more! See infamous Episode 3 minute 19:50.
Back to my other feels. I have questions.
What are we doing? (One weighted question that I’ve seen bring grown men to their knees.)
Are we with people that are only checking most of the boxes on our list?
Does this mean that we believe that checking off all our needs is not important?
Have we become complacent?
Does this extend past our romantic roles and into our friendships? Careers? Ourselves?
I am so far down the rabbit hole right now. It’s not even funny.
More often than not, I see women fall into step with her ‘most boxes’ checked life. The checklist she’s so grateful for looks like;
- Good Man
- Good Provider/Financial Stability
With the Unchecked boxes looking like;
- Physical attraction
- Sex (Brad Sex)
- Enjoys the same fun activities
- Good Communicator
Humor me here as I know for all of us those checked boxes shift based on our value system.
I get it. I use to be in a relationship where some boxes were checked. Bruh, I would have thrown hands for that life.
In settling we run the risk of losing who we really are, attempting to change the other person or venturing outside the relationship to satisfy those needs.
On the other hand, I know the woman willing to bet it all on that one box. Great sex. Check!
Allow me to use Dictionary.com newest word, OOOF! Good sex has you thinking you can change a man. Make him love you. I’d like to refer to this box as, DON’T DO IT!
There’s something about feeding the physical body and starving the rest that makes you lose your damn mind. I have yet to see someone come out of this scenario unscathed.
Then there is the woman who passionately says, I DO NOT want a relationship. Then proceeds to actively seek a body. Unable to be alone. I get it. It is human. Primal. Very Sasha of her.
This does lead me to other questions such as, are we just meeting our primal needs or replaying trauma responses?
Can someone realistically check all of our boxes?
Does this unicorn exist? Yes, my play on the swinger term is intentional. Maybe more than one person may be necessary to check all the boxes.
At this point, the devil might as well call me her advocate.
There was a study I read in, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, called Inescapable Shock.
In summary the study was done on caged dogs. The control group received rounds of electric shock with the cage doors opened and closed. The other group was just held in captivity. When the cage doors were opened the dogs that had not received electric shock quickly escaped, whereas, the dogs who had been shocked did not. They were paralyzed in fear.
Does this mean the more terrible things we go through with someone the more we just want to stay? Safety in the evil we know?
Now if you’ve made it this far, I am going to assume you watched Sex/Life. Can we talk about it?
Signed: A woman with so many questions