Online Dating as a Single Mom

I start this post after I have downloaded Bumble for the 4^th time this year.

I have for some reason decided I am ready to date again.

Every time I return to this scene, I am a little more ‘Julia’. I have uncovered another part of myself. A part of me that is more certain of what I like and what I do not like. I am secure in who I am. Which is beautiful in itself.

I default to Bumble because it is ‘woman initiated’. We make the first move.

I like that.

I am this mix of ‘old school’ and ‘new age’. Or maybe in a war between the two?

I want to be approached but I like the option to do the approaching.  I want to meet someone at the coffee shop but here I am on a dating app. 

My notion of dating was being able to catch a vibe when I met someone. I open the app, realize this is not for me. Close the app. Then realize I never go out to catch a vibe. Now I am back on the app. A never ending cycle.

Dating is still so unfamiliar to me. I married my high school sweetheart and divorced him when I was in my 30s. I am also from a different country. Does Belize even have online dating?

A lot has changed. I have changed.

Apparently, my flirting style is ‘for the jugular’ sarcasm. Do you know how many people don’t appreciate that? Shocking, I know.

Anyway, I am on Bumble again.

I am given the option to upload 6 photos. Layla, my 3 year old, has a saying that goes like, “ 2 accidents are okay, 6 are bad.” This started during her potty training days, but it has stayed with me.

I find this to be solid advice.

On that note, I upload 5 photos;

1. Full body photo. So we all know what we’re working with here.
2. A gym photo. Yes, I work out. Sometimes.
3. A swimsuit photo because that seems to be my favorite outfit next to workout clothes. And I obviously feel the need to point out I am not skinny. We’ll talk body insecurities another day.
4. A photo with my child with her face hidden. This is me saying I am a mom. I probably won’t have a lot of time for you because, I am a mom. You have been warned.
5. A laughing photo. Because I believe this to be authentically me.
6. If I did put a 6^th photo it would be a fishing photo, just for giggles. Sarcasm coming through already.

Ok photos uploaded. My name. My age. My occupation.

Fantastic!

I now feel like I am one of the girls I passed in the windows on my adventures through the Red Light District.

I am getting off topic here.

I think of this guy that I once met after my coworker did the matching for me! He was a serial online dater. He had an algorithm to this. Here were his ‘rules’

1. A good ‘text’ convo is important to start. That progresses you to the next phase.
2. Talking on the phone. This I really liked. This you can kind of catch a vibe.
3. A virtual date. A FaceTime date is necessary to avoid catfishing. If that goes well,
4. In person date. First date never involved alcohol. Solid move.

By the time I met him in person I felt like we were friends. Conversation was easy. Awkward moments were to a minimum. We did not hit it off probably because we ended up at a mojito bar and violated rule 4. But that entire step by step approach made that an easy talk. We’re still friends on the gram and I am 100% telling him he made it to my blog.

Okay, now I have to start swiping. Seems promising-ish. Then I start thinking this means I have to go on dates.

Why am I doing this to myself? I am happy as I am. What is it that has me here, again?

If this is going to make me that uncomfortable then maybe I have something to learn here. But only for ONE MONTH!

I think of my daughter. Going on a date also means time away from her. I feel guilty. Dating seems like such an unnecessary reason to be away from my daughter.

Deep sigh.

At the beginning of the year I promised myself I would work on being vulnerable and authentic.

I am here trying to do just that.

This whole journey from my divorce to now has required me to re learn what relationships should be.

To understand I am not my past.

This is me attempting to put all I’ve learned into practice.

Stay tuned. I have a feeling this story is about to be good one.

To be Continued…