I start this post after I have downloaded Bumble for the 4th time this year.
I have for some reason decided I am ready to date again.
Every time I return to this scene, I am a little more ‘Julia’. I have uncovered another part of myself. A part of me that is more certain of what I like and what I do not like. I am secure in who I am. Which is beautiful in itself.
I default to Bumble because it is ‘woman initiated’. We make the first move.
I like that.
I am this mix of ‘old school’ and ‘new age’. Or maybe in a war between the two?
I want to be approached but I like the option to do the approaching. I want to meet someone at the coffee shop but here I am on a dating app.
My notion of dating was being able to catch a vibe when I met someone. I open the app, realize this is not for me. Close the app. Then realize I never go out to catch a vibe. Now I am back on the app. A never ending cycle.
Dating is still so unfamiliar to me. I married my high school sweetheart and divorced him when I was in my 30s. I am also from a different country. Does Belize even have online dating?
A lot has changed. I have changed.
Apparently, my flirting style is ‘for the jugular’ sarcasm. Do you know how many people don’t appreciate that? Shocking, I know.
Anyway, I am on Bumble again.
I am given the option to upload 6 photos. Layla, my 3 year old, has a saying that goes like, “ 2 accidents are okay, 6 are bad.” This started during her potty training days, but it has stayed with me.
I find this to be solid advice.
On that note, I upload 5 photos;
- Full body photo. So we all know what we’re working with here.
- A gym photo. Yes, I work out. Sometimes.
- A swimsuit photo because that seems to be my favorite outfit next to workout clothes. And I obviously feel the need to point out I am not skinny. We’ll talk body insecurities another day.
- A photo with my child with her face hidden. This is me saying I am a mom. I probably won’t have a lot of time for you because, I am a mom. You have been warned.
- A laughing photo. Because I believe this to be authentically me.
- If I did put a 6th photo it would be a fishing photo, just for giggles. Sarcasm coming through already.
Throwing this in because this was a really cool pic but didn’t make the cut because my face… didn’t make the cut 🙂
Ok photos uploaded. My name. My age. My occupation.
I now feel like I am one of the girls I passed in the windows on my adventures through the Red Light District.
I am getting off topic here.
I think of this guy that I once met after my coworker did the matching for me! He was a serial online dater. He had an algorithm to this. Here were his ‘rules’
- A good ‘text’ convo is important to start. That progresses you to the next phase.
- Talking on the phone. This I really liked. This you can kind of catch a vibe.
- A virtual date. A FaceTime date is necessary to avoid catfishing. If that goes well,
- In person date. First date never involved alcohol. Solid move.
By the time I met him in person I felt like we were friends. Conversation was easy. Awkward moments were to a minimum. We did not hit it off probably because we ended up at a mojito bar and violated rule 4. But that entire step by step approach made that an easy talk. We’re still friends on the gram and I am 100% telling him he made it to my blog.
Okay, now I have to start swiping. Seems promising-ish. Then I start thinking this means I have to go on dates.
Why am I doing this to myself? I am happy as I am. What is it that has me here, again?
If this is going to make me that uncomfortable then maybe I have something to learn here. But only for ONE MONTH!
I think of my daughter. Going on a date also means time away from her. I feel guilty. Dating seems like such an unnecessary reason to be away from my daughter.
At the beginning of the year I promised myself I would work on being vulnerable and authentic.
I am here trying to do just that.
This whole journey from my divorce to now has required me to re learn what relationships should be.
To understand I am not my past.
This is me attempting to put all I’ve learned into practice.
Stay tuned. I have a feeling this story is about to be good one.
To be Continued…